And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
