i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize