come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
