found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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