If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
