Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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