disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
