A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
