i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
