i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
