when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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