oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
