My liver just broke up with me...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize