38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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