My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do vagina's smell?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
