this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
