If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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