So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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