im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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