you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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