i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
