It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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