I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I party with great urgency now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
