i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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