Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
