You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
