I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
