dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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