Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
