I love black thongs
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
