fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize