I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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