im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
