he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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