Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
