Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
