I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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