I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize