I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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