My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
