I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
