There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
