but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
