I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
