Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
