btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
