Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
