the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
