i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please don't give away my fajitas
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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