Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
