We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
