When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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