here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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