This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
