So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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