this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
