Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
