After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's like God shit irony all over that family
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
