You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
