last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
