Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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