I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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