so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
