apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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