I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
