I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
