Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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