so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
