Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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