there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
